IBYANG!

I realize it has been a long time since I last updated this...

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 13:42:00 +0900

I realize it has been a long time since I last updated this blog. I think things came to a halt in the lead up to my reunion with my Korean biological family back in August. The weight of the event and the stream of every emotion possible that I was feeling prevented me from feeling capable of communicating the experience in an accurate and meaningful way. so i just stopped. I simply do not have the skills as a writer to describe all that happened and how it all made me feel, and I felt trying to do so in a public blog would trivialize it in some way.

Last week I attended a digital storytelling workshop in Lyons, CO. This unique opportunity allowed me to really reflect on my entire journey to Korea, my family(s), and my emotional response. I am tremendously thankful for the people I met, the skills I was taught, and the environment where I was able to create this piece.

I hope that it may give you a glimpse of what meeting my family was like, of what living in korea was like. I hope that if you are an adoptee considering reunion, that it inspires you in some way. This was the most difficult and rewarding moment of my life that I am proud to share with you.

Film has been essential to my process of understanding my own...

Thu, 10 Nov 2011 01:30:41 +0900

Film has been essential to my process of understanding my own identity. In college I was given a copy of First Person Plural, a documentary by Deann Borshay Liem, a Korean adoptee who recorded her journey to Korea to meet her biological family. The film brought me to tears almost immediately, I assume because of how deeply I felt I could relate to the filmmaker’s life story, and the realization that I knew so little about my own relationship with adoption and the country of my birth. Hearing her words felt like she was exposing all of these personal thoughts I had about adoption that I never could articulate on my own. I remember while watching that film, I felt a connection to a diasporic community of confusion, loss, and trauma that was both frightening and comforting at the same time. I remember thinking then that I would need to travel to Korea at some point in my life.

Next weekend, the first annual Adoptee Art and Film Festival will take place in Seoul, showcasing films and other works of art by Korean adoptees from around the world, including the second documentary by Deann Borshay Liem. Too often is the topic of adoption silenced in Korea because of language barriers, social stigma, and embarrassment. I am looking forward to attending this festival with the knowledge that this gathering of adoptee artists and their works will inspire and empower, creating a greater cultural awareness of Korean adoptees in the country where we all came from. http://aaff.co

adorable. makin me miss amurika.

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 23:54:26 +0900

adorable. makin me miss amurika.

corporal punishment for no homework…

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 14:15:40 +0900

corporal punishment for no homework…

I feel really not-Korean when...

Mon, 24 Oct 2011 23:51:40 +0900

I have no idea what they’re asking me.

I feel really Korean when....

Mon, 24 Oct 2011 23:51:04 +0900

people stop me by the subway and ask for directions.

life: Despite being a thoroughly 21st-century nation and an...

Mon, 24 Oct 2011 12:37:33 +0900

life:

Despite being a thoroughly 21st-century nation and an economic powerhouse, South Korea, the Land of the Morning Sun, holds tight to its traditions. From its hanbok costume — paraded proudly at fashion shows, state meetings, and even department-store openings — to the coming-of-age ceremony that marks a Korean’s entry into adulthood, rituals color every aspect of South Korean life.

Pictured: A day in the life of a monk, Seoul’s Chogye Temple.

see more — South Korea: Kiss the Morning Sun

homemade midnight 김치찌개

Fri, 07 Oct 2011 02:04:55 +0900

homemade midnight 김치찌개

Photo

Wed, 05 Oct 2011 01:34:11 +0900

I’d like to believe that deep inside the hearts of every...

Sun, 25 Sep 2011 23:11:56 +0900

I’d like to believe that deep inside the hearts of every korean woman is a steve buscemi. #BoardwalkEmpireSeason2 hollaaaa

#disturbinglyAccuratePortrayalOfHowMuchMakeupSomeKoreanWomenWear.

Video

Sun, 28 Aug 2011 20:36:00 +0900

대한민국! a google shout-out to the motherland on Independence day.

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 04:14:31 +0900

대한민국!

a google shout-out to the motherland on Independence day.

happy birthday america. video flag by 백남준

Sun, 03 Jul 2011 23:30:45 +0900

happy birthday america. video flag by 백남준

The Gyopo Scrambler. Eggs, garlic, onion, tomatoes, salt,...

Wed, 29 Jun 2011 13:23:00 +0900

The Gyopo Scrambler.

Eggs, garlic, onion, tomatoes, salt, pepper, 고추장

Haeundae Beach. Busan. June 2011

Wed, 29 Jun 2011 13:20:00 +0900

Haeundae Beach. Busan. June 2011

This is the first draft of my letter to my birthmother. I...

Mon, 20 Jun 2011 23:07:00 +0900

This is the first draft of my letter to my birthmother. I wrote this in March when I visited Andong, the city where I was born. When I wrote this in my journal, I wasn’t confident that this was enough. I thought that the process of creating such an intimate piece of writing to someone who I have never met before would take multiple drafts and I would never say everything I wanted to say. Realizing this could be the only contact with my birthmother or birth family I will ever have in my life, I became even more paralyzed with fears and anxiety of rejection, and I was unable to look at the letter after I finished it 3 months ago. Today I read it again and realized this is essentially the bulk of my message. After minor edits and additions, I feel confident that this is all that needs to be said for now. I like this first draft because it has a natural flow. An earnest message I wrote for the first time in the city of my birth. It’s not perfect but I’ve accepted that it doesn’t need to be.

This morning I went to my adoption agency and delivered the final draft and a passport photo of myself that I took at the photobooth in the Hongik University subway station. I have initiated my birth family search. Now I will wait to hear about the results of search and move on to the next step.

약천사 Jeju. May 2011

Mon, 20 Jun 2011 22:28:00 +0900

약천사 Jeju. May 2011

thefader: BIRDMAN LOST TWO MILLION DOLLARS ON LEBRON...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 01:48:30 +0900

thefader:

BIRDMAN LOST TWO MILLION DOLLARS ON LEBRON JAMES

DOESN’T SEEM WORRIED

i miss you a lil bit, America.

Han River. May 2011

Wed, 08 Jun 2011 23:51:00 +0900

Han River. May 2011

family

Wed, 18 May 2011 02:50:00 +0900

“I feared that if I met my birth family, the only parents I knew might feel I did not love them. I did not want my reunion with my birth family to negate the years of nurture given to me by my adoptive parents. On the night before I left for Korea I sat with my parents on our back patio, my fears locked in heart. And with a few simple words my Dad dispelled my worries by saying, ‘We always knew we had family in Korea.’ They accepted my Korean family as they had accepted me 21 years ago. There was no competition for my love.” - Hollee McGinnis, Korean adoptee

I think this is a beautiful notion of family that I have never considered before. It makes me wonder how many adoptive parents, like McGinnis’ father, feel a connection with the countries/culture/ and in particular, the biological families of their transnational adopted child. I realize this must take much awareness and love and understanding to consider strangers whom you have never met, family. I guess it’s kind of like having an international ‘in-law’…in a strange way.

My parents are coming to visit me in Korea this week and I am so appreciative and proud of them for their unwavering support for me, and genuine interest in my birth family search. I cannot imagine a more loving gesture of support for my experience here than flying across the world to see me.

I hope that their visit will help them feel more connected to this country which, I now realize, they are also inextricably related to.